Friendship: Foundations

Welcome to my second post of the new series on friendship.

Aga Idczak

March 13, 2020

Today I will try to challenge myself and hopefully some of you to stop for a moment and ponder a bit more on topics such as: influence, choices, knowing your values.

Frequently we are influenced by people and we affect others. Let’s focus on this. As a part of life, every single day we deal with so many people who definitely have an influence on us. We meet them for example, in our neighbourhood, at work or university, on the streets, in a bar and at dance /language /music courses just to name a few. The precious time we have, it is shared with others in many different circumstances.

Is it easy to make the decisions and choices on who do we spend a lot of time with? Do we truly have the freedom of choosing? Do you surround yourself with those who give you support and inspire you to be a better version of yourself? Or is it with those who turn your life upside down, make you feel trapped by bitterness, which you feel and intensify even more on your worse days.

Do you remember an occasion when a colleague of yours would come to you talking badly about others? It happened to me. Even if I did not care about what was said, these compromising stories I heard stacked in my head would give me a bad picture of those who I knew only superficially. Maybe these stories discouraged me from putting in the effort of getting to know those people better? This example might remind you of some situations you have been faced with. To be honest, it reminds me of how important it is to be assertive and not let others gossip around me. It can be incredibly difficult and awkward even but the more you practice saying ‘no’ to the things you do not agree with, the easier it becomes. Sometimes it is enormously challenging to control my tongue, especially after being hurt or disappointed by others. These are the moments when I can regret the words that come out from my mouth. I believe that words have true power and it is one of the most challenging powers to learn. I am still learning it.

It is tremendously crucial to know your values. As soon as you identify them, you will notice that they become a guide in helping make your decisions. These values can be the foundation your life is built on. They give you the strength to not allow others to bring you down and give you the power to help others.

What could be this foundation?

a) To one group of people it could be a strong family relationship.

b) To somebody else who has never experienced the above example, it could be a healthy, long and tested friendship with true friends.

c) People might find this foundation in God (Religion) who as their Creator knows their hearts very well.

As we can see there are a few options at our disposal to deal with life. However, not everyone has these opportunities or if one has, he/ she does not necessarily take advantage of them. It is everyone’s personal choice how we value our life and what we use as our foundation and our values.

How to be happier with yourself? It is a decision of living boldly, it is about determination, humility and pure love. These few can be helpful in dealing with yourself and working on living in inner peace and joy. When the ‘cup is full’ then the fresh water can naturally pour out of us and we can be of help to others, we might build healthy, rich, inspiring and pure friendships.

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